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'Thirding'

by Jane Harms

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1.
Guess By Now 03:08
Here I am washing dishes again Remember when we both had some money to spend Remember when we both had a vision in mind We were gonna make something we hadn't been able to find I wish I could write the words that would bridge the gap But I don't know if my tongue would speak them I guess by now I should know better than that They always seem to tumble out so uneven Remember shaking like a leaf while the sun went down Words twisting as they fell upon uneven ground Now you have a room where you can sit with your grief Turn on the radio for news of disaster relief And it's with a grim lack of surprise we see the friends we've made go from bad situations to worse I know you harbour that old predilection to call any misfortune a curse You know mine is to call every calamity hideously absurd Sometimes I think it could all be brought into focus in just two or three simple words I wish I could write the words that would bridge the gap But I don't know if my tongue would speak them I guess by now I should know better than that They always seem to tumble out so uneven Maybe it's okay you drove away that day Maybe it's alright to be alone tonight Maybe it'll rain down in the bay some day Maybe I can wait for a rose to be exposed when the snow all blows away
2.
Dear daddy of mine, I won't pretend that i've been diligent at finding the time But i've been crossing out lines and tossing aside The crumpled scraps of 6 months unsatisfied With what passed between us What passed between us Is there something i'm supposed to say here Some sign we're both awaiting to appear Some way to crawl across the fear But it's all uncharted here And whenever we reach Whenever we reach for each other I feel there's a gulf leaps up between us Whenever we reach I woke up angry again From dreams of abandonment I tried to put all that back inside me I tried to put all that back inside me I didn't want to have to tell you And i didn't want you to have to ask And i knew you wouldn't dare Even though we want so gently to remove that mask I heard things that I never thought i'd hear from you I put my head between my legs and i started spinning out Dogs tore at my flesh in the battle to find fault Straps bound my chest down upon your bed And your ceiling opened up onto the starry vault Of what passed between us And whenever we reach Whenever we reach for each other I feel a gulf leaps up between us Whenever we reach Oh is there something i'm supposed to say here Some sign we're both awaiting will appear Some way to crawl across the fear But it's all uncharted here
3.
My baby wears platform shoes My baby has bad tattoos My baby doesn't have to choose My baby's black leather clad The best driver i've ever had We've got a roof when the weather's bad And when the sun glances off the most perfect hairs they have growing on the top of their lip Through a hairline crack in the cap that sheltered us all the way from here to hell and then back And they lean back in the bed of the truck, and then crack a tall can smile with a full headed look and a sidelong sip Something in me cracks and then swells and I know there's no words that could tell them that I saw that picture of you Your new hair matches That shirt My baby wears platform shoes My baby has bad tattoos My baby doesn't have to choose Betwen me and another My baby's black leather clad The best driver i've ever had We've got a roof when the weather's bad Between the two of our mothers I was thinking bout my baby when i crossed the state line Thinking it doesn't matter much if they were thinking bout me at the same time But i can't stop feeling like someone cut my brakelines Like i can't wait but then again its the best when it takes time I saw that picture of you Your new hair matches That shirt that we bought I'd like to say i hope you're doing well But i can tell that you're not
4.
I remember when you first came out here I said 'Why the hell would you do that to yourself' You and that magnificent crazy bitch Who we've all had our share of falling outs with Hit another rough patch last spring And me I wasn't there I'm not much use at times like these But here I sit, painting my eyes on, you don't have to wait for me But hey, put on that song Put on that song that we both used to like A couple more times before we go downtown Because I Need you both to make it out of this valley alive I need you both to make it out of this valley alive Seeing the two of you together With everything on hold Fills me with a tender uneasiness That's good enough for now Riding in the back of that rattletrap Going to hit a spot on the overpass I'll be back in the city tomorrow I guess I'll see you when you come downtown Because I Need you both to make it out of this valley alive I need you both to make it out of this valley alive Remember when you stayed in bed all day While I went out to the war Texted you 'I wish you were here and I wish this was Brooklyn' Only the latter doesn't hold anymore 'Cause with you two taking turns Sleeping under the stairs Easy Island's harder than it sounds But when is it ever to find a bed and some shelter when they're selling off the last patch of ground I remember when you first came down here I said why the hell would you do that to yourself But here I am I'm coming down Seeing the two of you together with everything on hold fills me with a tender uneasiness That's good enough for now Because I Need you both to make it out of this valley alive I need you both to make it out of this valley alive
5.
Lucky 2 04:08
Oh how I used to hate nostalgia, Now look what you done to me I watched that video you posted, And it looked like fun to me Drummer clothed in just a trashbag Puked withonce missing a beat People standing in the sink and spilling out into the heat I watched that video you posted, And it looked like fun to me Oh how I used to hate nostalgia, Now look what you done to me Poaching moments from the far back of the fridge Appraising what's left with a shudder At least I still have him though At least you two have each other At least we both have windows To watch the condos going up And the driest sense of humour that we keep, Just to keep ourselves from throwing up I watched that video you posted, And it looked like fun to me Oh how I used to hate nostalgia, Now look what you done to me And I know I'm lucky too 'Cause this time I'm stuck with you

about

2016-2018

credits

released June 14, 2019

all songs by Jane Harms

inset photo by Tim Brandt

Thank You to
Steve, Janis, Kendra, Danny, Arlin, Chandra, Riley, Sasha, Laura, Vi, Arthur
and, of course, Di 🖤

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ARCADIA EXITER Montreal, Québec

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